Too Much Pasta
by Inuyashagirl2015
Summary: You know that you've been listening to MrCreepyPasta too much when you write a fanfic about a character who listens to MrCreepyPasta too much and has something of a breakdown. Poor Rosalie. Pairing: Rosalie/OC (OFC), Femslash, yuri, girl/girl, etc. I need to get a life


I can say, without a doubt, that I have been watching far too much PewdiePie and listening to _waaaaaaayyy_ too many CreepyPastas, and this is what came out of it.

**ISeriouslyCan'tEvenGoOutsideAtNightAnyMore **

"SON OF A FUCKING COCKSLUT!" I was very lucky in the fact that when I knocked my chair over and then proceeded to fall down with it, I was rescued by familiar, rather chilly arms.

Of course, being held bridal style by her, I could not only hear and see but I could also feel my vampire chuckle at my shock.

"Now, let me get this straight," She began, as she walked at a slow pace for humans over to our shared bed in our little cottage, "You live with vampires, you sleep everynight with one right next to you, you didn't flinch when the Volturi demanded that you be turned right now, instead of right after you graduate, you backtalk werewolves, and yet these... videos absolutely terrify you?"

My eye twitched at that. "Rosalie, hun, you know I love you to death... But shut your face." I realised as I said this that my face felt unnecessarily warm. Great, now I'm blushing.

"Aww, is the little human scared of the scary videos? Don't worry, I'll protect you from your phone." Rosalie cooed condescendingly at me as she slowly set me down on the bed like a little china doll.

"You don't understand, Rose, it's completely different! I thought that this would just be a funny little thing that I could listen too, so I would know how to scare some of my other friends, I didn't think they'd actually be scary... But I was wrong, so very, painfully, terrifyingly wrong." I buried my face in my hands, partially to hide my blush, but mostly just because I'm far too dramatic for my own good.

Her laugh was very loud at that, and I pulled my hands away from my face to give her the most death-inducing glare I could manage, which, as it happens, didn't even phase her. So, instead, I "hmph"ed at her and turned around, crossing my arms and feeling very much like a child.

"Oh, come on, don't do that. You know, if you don't talk to me, I might leave, and then where would you be? All alone in a cottage, five minutes walk away from anyone else, and it's already rather dark outside." I tried not to listen to her, knowing that she was kidding, but... Well, turns out, it _is _already dark outside, and the curtains and blinds on the window that I'm now directly facing are open. I don't want to look at it, because I just _know _that a face is going suddenly appear and smile and me before it somehow kills me, or worse, but I just can't look away. It's like a horror movie, where you're not sure if you have more nightmares if you watch what happens or if you don't and have no idea what went on but you know it was horrible. That sort of thing.

Okay, I know I probably sound totally paranoid, but... Fuck you, I definitely just saw something move out there, and I'm not going to fall for that whole "it's just a tree branch being blown by the wind" bullshit, it's never just a branch MrCreepyPasta vids.

"Okay, fine, I guess I'l just leave you alone then." She drawled, getting off of the bed and walking slowly towards the door. I wasn't going to say it, but then whatever it was moved outside my window.

"NONONONONOROSEDON'TLEAVEPLEASEDON'TLEAVEIT'LLKILLMEORWORSEANDIDON'TWANTTODIEOHGODROSEDON'TYOUDAREFUCKINGLEAVEMEOHMYGO DWHATTHEFUCKISTHATROSEDON'TGODON'TGODON'TDON'TGO! It was incredibly fast and high pitch as I screamed that, nearly falling off of the bed as I jumped when the thing moved, actually hitting the window this time (Fucking slenderman, maybe? At there are probably worse things that I could die from). She was back at my side, grabbing me before I actually fell off and cracked my head open. I curled against her as she picked me up and held me, sitting on the bed with me in her lap this time.

She was solid as a rock, which made me realise how badly I was shaking. I can't believe freaking youtube videos actually did this to me. Fuck.

She shushed me like a small child as she held me, and it worked for a moment before I opened my eyes and realised that I could see the open window over her shoulder, and holy fuck that was a definitly flash of white, like a face ducking down and

"OHMYGODROSEIT'SFUCKINGJEFFTHEKILLERORSLEND ERMANORSTITCHORTHERAKEORTHEK IDSFROMTHESHOWERSORBENORPINK YPIEORTHATTHINGFROMTHEHUNTSV ILLECAMPINGGROUNDORTHETHINGT HATKNOCKSONYOURWINDOWFROMTHE INSIDEORIDON'TEVENFUCKINGKNOWOHMYGODROSED ON'TLETITGETMEWHYTHEFUCKDIDWETH INKITWOULDBEAGOODIDEATOLIVES OFARAWAYFROMTHEOTHERANDWHATT HEFUCK-" After listening to me scream in terror for probably half a minute straight, she finally placed her hand over my mouth.

I stared straight up at her, eyes completely wide. "Calm. Down." She said (probably for the hundredth time and I just hadn't heard the first 99 times) slowly. "Will you keep yelling if I pull my hand away." I shook my head after thinking about it for a second. She cautiously removed her and, when I didn't start screaming again, let it wrap around me.

"Hey Rose?"

"Yes?"

"Can you please close the blinds?" She rolled her eyes and set me down on the bed, moving over to the window faster than I could see and closing it quickly, and before I knew it, I was back in her arms, and feeling much more secure now that Stitch or Jeff or whatever the fuck that thing was couldn't watch me anymore.

I was still clinging when she decided we would be more comfortable laying down, so it was a good thing that vampires don't need to breath, because I was literally laying on top of her.

"Alright, love, three days straight of those videos is enough to last you a lifetime, and If you ever try to watch them again, I'm going to make you regret it. I grinned against her neck.

"And just how are you going to make me regret it." One of her hands was on my hips, and I became aware the forefinger of that hand, which was slowly stroking the exposed skin on my side where my shirt had ridden up.

"Hm... I guess that justs depends on what mood I'm in..." And sudden, I found myself no longer on top.

**YouOnlyWishYouKnewWhatWasHap peningHere...It'sOk,IWishIKnewToo;)**

It wasn't until the next morning that I found out something rather... vital.

"So, Dragon, how did you sleep last night?" Emmett asked me as left the house, heading to whatever car each of us where riding in today.

"Um, alright I guess..." I replied confused.

"Really? I just had a feeling you had a rough night, is all." Rose chooses to walk up to us at this very moment, carrying a folder that I only recognise as my own when she hands it too me. Glad she remembered that, because I certainly didn't.

"Umm..." What the fuck is he talking about? Surely Rose didn't say anything?

"Because you know, Dragon, the eyes are supposed to be _windows_ to the soul, after all and, well, I just thought that I kept seeing something in your_ windows_, after all." She looked so pleased with himself that he was about to burst. It wasn't hard to figure out what he was so _subtly _hinting. I stared at him for a second before I looked at Rosalie. She looked back at me for a moment, expression completely blank, before she was suddenly gone. I didn't even have to look to know that the following crash was Emmett colliding with and smashing through a couple trees, and even though it was way too fast for me to see, I knew basically exactly what each and every crash and crack meant.

Ah, it's good to have an overprotective vampire as a lover. It was also nice that since Edward and Alice knew exactly what had happened (Psychic and mindreaders, you know), they had specifically told anyone who would have interfered that he totally deserved it. Even Jasper, his mate, agreed that whatever he did probably meritted this treatment and more. I do so love my family.

**NotQuiteSureWhyIDon'tJustNotListenToHisVideos... ItWouldMakeMyLifeALotEasier...**

Well, there's another one. I've literally been writing since like three or four and it's 9:45 now... I'm seriously trying to make up for my lack of regularity. This is my fourth one tonight, and I'm gonna go for five now... After guild wars... (any Deity Wars players in here?) See you next time, my Lovelies :)


End file.
